i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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