Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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