I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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