His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
