I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
