Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Boobs are out for the taking
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
