i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Come on in and take your pants off
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