you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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