i will never coherently bang her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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