break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
