dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
