My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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