I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
