Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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