Already got asked if we're dating
where am i from again
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
