New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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