My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
