at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
