Only a mothe r could love this liver
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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