I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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