I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
