i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
