My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
