Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
