How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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