Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
