Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
