I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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