im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
