i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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