if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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