3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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