and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
