its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
