addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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