Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
