i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
