Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Michael Bay diarrhea
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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