blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
