Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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