I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
