I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
