his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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