Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
