Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
3 2 1 whiskey
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
