Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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