At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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