so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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