I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
