well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
