I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
