sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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