my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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