i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
