We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
