We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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