Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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