He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
