how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
