I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
