I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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