My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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