the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
