Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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