After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
