Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
